happy labor day weekend! i can’t believe summer is almost over. it seriously flew by! i think this is the first time i’ve been in nyc for labor day weekend in like 5 years lol. last year i went back to buffalo for the weekend. but i’m going to the beach and then to mansion for a party & to see ne-yo! hopefully it’s better than the last party when i went to see fabolous (i was there from 8:30-11:30pm and witnessed 3 fights break out but fab didn’t get on stage til 1am then left after 1.5 songs b/c someone threw a bottle on stage).

anyway, i was talking to my friend the other day and she said something i totally disagreed on. she said that when her child goes to college, she isn’t going to help them pay for any of it. maybe i have a different view on this than she does b/c her parents didn’t pay for her to go to college. but she got a full scholarship anyway. my parents paid my tuition and everything. i mean i didn’t take it for granted, i paid for my textbooks and things here and there but i guess you can say they paid for any major expenses i would’ve had. i know people who have to pay tuition themselves but also ones who’s parents pay. i still worked two part-time jobs in college to make money while i was in class. even though i didn’t have to pay tuition bills, i still had other bills nad finances i had to take care of. but as a parent, i feel like it’s my duty to help my child through school. don’t get me wrong i have friends who are paying their way and doing well in school but i wouldn’t want my child to have to worry about tuition and A’s. it can be stressful. my friend said she would let her child know straight up in HS that they would have to pay for college on their own. but then i said, wouldn’t your child then start to work while in HS to save up money? that might take away from their studying and doing well in HS to even get into a good college. or what if they knew this and didn’t want to pay too much and settled for a less expensive college? i mean, there’s nothing wrong with CUNY or SUNY schools, i went to a SUNY and i have plenty of friends in CUNY’s but that would be limiting my child from even exploring possibilities of an ivy. idk then she got started on a whole different topic but i stopped listening b/c when i was telling her where i stood on the issue she was talking over me and telling me how i wanted to raise my kids was wrong. uhhh no bitch it’s not “wrong” it’s just not how you want to raise your kids. shit, i turned out fine.

anyhoo, work has been ok for the most part. i went to another giants game but i forgot my cam at home. damnit b/c i had pretty good seats too (section 109). i’m going to buffalo in 5 days to visit my sister and some friends. hopefully i’ll see everyone i’m trying to see since i’m only there thursday night - sunday afternoon. and that’s really all with me. hope everyone enjoys their labor day/long weekend!

“i’m all wrapped up in his arms, but you’re the one i really want. truly he’s the nicest guy but i want you and i don’t know why. i don’t want, i don’t want, i don’t want, i don’t want nobody but you. after all you put me through i don’t want, i don’t want, i don’t want, i don’t want nobody but you. after all you’re still my boo.” - cassie

did anyone else hear about how diddy and cassie are engaged? uhhhh wtf? she’s pretty and all but again …. wtf? but anyway yeah. i’m still trying to forget this one dude but nothing seems to work. no it probably doesn’t help that i still see him when he comes back to bk from school or when i go to buff. that face that he has a girlfriend now hasn’t changed anything either smh. it’ll be 3 years in september that we’ve been friends and 4 that we’ve known each other. i’m tryin,g though i really am …

in other news, i was fed up at work so i’m taking tuesday off. i was passed a report that this other chick said she’d do but didn’t start and then she tried to say that i was suppose to do it not her. FCK THAT. my senior planner had asked me about it first but i kindly said i wasn’t suppose to do it - we went over the report format in his office monday morning with the other girl b/c she was going to do it. and he was like oh yeah that’s right. mind you in that meeting she said she’d be done by tuesday come to find out (after she said she thought i was doing it) that she didn’t start on it. so i was asked to do the report, which almost interfered with the party thursday night that i had been wanting to go to. but i was angry all day thursday and then friday. i got in at 9am and finished the report by noon. then i was handed a smaller report but couldn’t concentrate b/c people were gathered at my other coworkers desk and socializing while they ate lunch. smh. i didn’t mean to but i know i had the only angry look on my face b/c once again i felt like i was being shit on by the same chick who can’t seem to pull her weight. if she has too much to do then she shouldn’t have said she’d finish the report by tuesday! i would’ve fine with being told i had to do it then. call me childish, but i’m ignoring her. she came up to my desk and was like smile felicia. i was like no not until this damn report is done. and she better know that it was her fckn fault.

i’ve been exhausted all week and tonight is my coworker/friend’s birthday at blvd. tomorrow night i’m going to see fabolous at the madison. and then next friday and saturday are 2 more birthdays. then labor day weekend - i should be seeing ne-yo at mansion. then the weekend after i’m going to buffalo. and there’s another party on saturday. haha. party animal over hereeeee. not. oh and i like to explore. any good ideas on where to have sex outside? car’s been done, park, tennis court, empty classroom …. i was thinking the beach? i can’t think of anything else in brooklyn though. i do have a place in mind for when i get to buffalo though haha.

i suck at updating. i have an excuse though. i was on vacation for the past week and some days. flew down to tampa to see some fam and then went on a cruise from there to the cayman islands, cozumel (mexico), belize, and honduras. overall pretty fun trip. went snorkeling and swimming with stingrays, went sailing, and went on a canopy tour. now i’m trying to get back into the groove of things at work. while i was at the airport going to tampa, i bought a book to read. i had never heard of it before but the colorful cover caught my eye. it’s called the dirty girls social club by alisa valdes-rodriguez. it started slow but it’s getting better and it’s the first book i’m reading since harry potter haha. well, that’s a lie i read a book called how to be fearless or something like that by arianna huffington.

but yeah - the book got me thinking. even with our closest friends, do we tell them every little detail about our lives? is there anyone in this world that knows everything about us besides ourselves? the book is divided by each character’s point of view. there are details about their lives that not even their best friends know. one woman thinks her friend’s life is perfect but then you read her friend’s point of view and there are so many things wrong that her friends don’t know about.

it made me think about my life, and my friends. granted i only have a few close friends but i started to wonder what they though of my life. as bitter as i sounded in my last post, sometimes i do envy my friends who are in relationships. i think it’s just the emotional stability b/c i never really had that. yes, commitment scares me a bit which is probably why i’ve never been in an “official” relationship but w/e labels can mess with my head sometimes. i’ve been told by friends that they envy my job. don’t get me wrong, i love my job but i get paid the least of everyone and work just as many hours that some of the others do but for so much less. they’re jealous not of my job, but of the many perks i get from my job. did i mention i had suite tickets for the kanye concert tonight at msg, and i got my 2nd pair of free nike id’s right before i left for vacation? lol.

idk i guess i was just trying to make a point that no matter how beautiful or wealthy someone is, you can’t assume they have the perfect life and be envious. everyone should just focus on their own life and on living it to the fullest.

in an absolut world we question everything. we challenge assumptions and defy conventions. because that’s the first step in making things better. in an absolut world reality is only a starting point. the last stop before imagination takes over. in an absolut world it’s not about right or wrong only what if and why not? we never claim the last word we only begin the conversation. in an absolut world justice is always poetic. optimism is our point of view. wit and style are the means to an end.

that was just a little insert i pulled from an absolut vodka ad while i was reading cosmo and i liked it. fck you if you don’t :] anyway, i’ve been wanting to blog but i’ve had nothing to write about and i don’t want to bore you with the antics of my life, although they’re usually anything but boring. my life has seemed to calm down a bit since i started working and entered the “real world”. there was always some type of drama in school. but i guess that’s b/c people are still immature kids for the most part and have nothing better to do. as if focusing on school was everyone’s top priority *sarcasm*. people’s priorities are definitely different. once you graduate you really need to get on your grind and get that money. no one’s trying to be a broke ass.

i guess that’s partially why i haven’t seen a lot of my friends who are here back from school with me. we’re all busy working. and if not that, then they’re spending their time with their significant others. i’m not fond of the ones who are with their man at ALL times. i’m talking about you never see one without the other. i could never be that chick. i always did and always will need my own life aside from my man (when i have one). and what’s really good with my friends telling me i need to settle down? i mean … technically i’ve put 97% of my time towards one dude the past 3 years and look where that’s gotten me. i’m young and i’m in no rush. it does kinda suck when you’re one of the few who isn’t coupled up. whatever. i’m over it. i still don’t understand how i can’t manage to meet up with all my friends for dinner even once a month to catch up.

i actually never understood why people couldn’t just make plans. you either want to chill or you don’t, or you can or you can’t. it’s pretty simple, imo. i do know that i am going to visit buffalo again for a weekend in september and when i do i better be seeing certain people or imma have to drop kick someone for real.

i’m rambling. i’m just tired. it’s been a long week at work … i was in the office until 10:30pm on monday. ugh. i had a report i needed to have done for a conference call the next day. i had went to get a massage and then came back to the office to finish. tomorrow is going to be crazy and i have a presentation to the client on monday for the media plan i’ve been working on. eeek! but i’ll be on vacation soon enough yay! excited. haha. i’ve also been plurking my heart away so you can find me there.

this is an angry post. idk why but i’ve just been fed up recently with the idiots that i deal with during my 1 hr + commute (each way) to work and home. i live in nyc. new york fckn city. you would think that people here would know how to WALK or proper public transportation etiquette - stay to one side of the staircase. the left side of an escalator is always reserved for people who want to walk and not stand. when you are on a train, you let people OFF the train before you get ON. you never stop in the middle of the street/sidewalk/train platform. you can’t check your blackberry and read emails while you walk during rush hour. i could probably go on but i won’t. please keep these things in mind if you don’t follow these pointers when you’re in nyc b/c i will be that bitch that stiff arms you when you get in my way. i’ll be that bitch that stands there and stares you down until you move if you’re in my way (if i don’t push you out my way). so please, do not mess with me on public transportation. shout out to that sexy conductor man on my train today when i came home! LMAO.

this weekend is july 4th weekend. woohoo. please note my sarcasm. i’m thankful for this holiday b/c i have no work tomorrow. and i was suppose to leave the office at 1pm today but left at 3pm but whatever. i’ve lived in nyc for 23 years and i have yet to see the fireworks in person, always on tv. bitches never even bbq. i want to be a beach bum all weekend but the weather might fck up those plans. fck mother nature. why is it that for the past like 3 weeks everyday there is a chance of thunderstorms? one of the two days of the weekend it has fckn poured and thundered. ugh i’m bitter lmao. i hope you have fun this weekend though! be safe and don’t hurt anyone with any fireworks!

romney’s post got me thinking. to this day, people still think that looks don’t matter. i’ve come across a few people who’ve told me this and that they are only attracted to people who have good personalities. as true as this may be, can you really sit there and tell me that you are not initially attracted to someone b/c of their physical appearance? what makes you even get to know someone better? unless you meet someone over the internet and you really don’t know what they look like, no one can truly say they were drawn to someone just b/c of their personality. imo, we’re all shallow to some extent b/c we pick and choose who we get to know based on their looks. how many people do you know say “i don’t have ugly friends”? and you know they mean physically ugly, not an ugly personality.

i’ll admit though, sometimes i can be a shallow bitch. especially when i’m out in the club or bars or any social setting, i’ll pick out the better looking guys - or what i consider good looking since beauty is in the eye of the beholder. ladies, when we’re in the club, how many of us reject the ugly guys that try to dance or talk to us? let’s be honest here. i’ve had friends who have straight up told me that they don’t bother with ugly dudes. but now, i’ll spot the eye candy but i won’t bother with them b/c i can’t deal with arrogant dudes. 98% of the time the good looking ones are cocky motherfckers. DUH - they know they look good and think they can get away with treating a girl like shit. i’ve learned my lesson though. this guy i was talking to back in college. he was sexy as hell. he won the award for biggest jerk i’ve associated myself with. in the end, i told him about himself and cut him off and that’s when the roles switched. he still calls me every now and then and is always trying to see me when i visit buffalo. i never even know it’s him calling b/c i deleted his number.

i guess what i’m just trying to put out there is my opinion which i’m standing firm on: we’re all shallow to an extent. we pick who we want to get to know based on their looks. and then we keep our company based on their personality.

work was decent this week. yesterday a bunch of us left the office at 2:30pm to go bowling as a celebration for the hard work on the weeds/call girl campaign. we had beer towers, pizza, and bowled until 6. it was great until we got to the crowded ass bar at like 10:30. i had been drinking on and off since beer towers at bowling and i have come to the conclusion that i should never have my phone with me when i drink. i always end up texting people that i shouldn’t. anyhoo, my sister’s graduation was on thursday night. my (HS) alma matter as well. she was valedictorian of her class and gave a speech. very well spoken and quite proud that she’ll be going to u.penn wharton in the fall. i still can’t help but think i’m the dumbest of my sisters haha. my other sister is pre-med at the college i went to and now my other sister is at wharton. and here i was ranked about 120 in my HS class w/ a 93 avg on 2 varisty teams all 4 years, with the busiest social life. my friend did make me feel better when she was like yeah but then in college you were a damn overachiever … double majoring with 2 minors, active in my org, and working like 3 jobs lol. this is tue. and now i have a job that i enjoy even though i don’t make the most. life is alright …

everyone has expectations for their friends. personally, i have high expectations for the ones i call friends since i’m pretty good to them. i don’t keep shitty company. i always check in with people to see how they’re doing. i’m there for them when something’s bugging them. i’m do meaningful things here and there. i help them out when they need. in return, i ask for the same back. i expect people to check up on me every now and then, a simple “hey what’s up” to see how i’ve been if we haven’t spoken in a bit. some people i expect to call me out to chill, some i don’t b/c that’s just how it is. giving me advice now and in between, never communicating, and me being the only one doing thoughtful things doesn’t fly with me. doing “favors” to expect something in return is just being selfish. for the most part, i have no problem cutting people out of my life.

i know there have been people who i’m cool with now that straight up told me when they met me they thought i was a bitch b/c of how i carried myself on campus (college friends). why? b/c i didn’t walk around with a smile plastered on my face? please. when it comes down to it, the company i keep is always looking out for me and they appreciate me for who i am. and to some extent i always knew this but i guess after my sis nova and my twinnie drilled it into my head enough it finally hit me. if someone took me for granted and treated me like i deserved to be treated, they needed to get cut. and that’s exactly what i did to him. i finally told him off about himself. and he denied it and told me to go and see if he cared .. which hurt but his ego stops him from doing what’s right. and the next day he was hurting. ha.

work was good this week though, i am glad to say. i’m excited about this upcoming campaign i’m planning for and another one that i will be lead planner on if we get an online budget for it. *crossing fingers* and does anyone watch weeds? the season premiere this past monday was the most watched premiere for showtime so far. and then secret diary of a call girl became the most watched series premiere for showtime. this is exciting. it makes me feel like all the long hours i spent trafficking for this campaign paid off somewhat. and not to mention i got home at a decent hour of the night, except for tuesday when i went to the remy chill party and last night when i went bar hopping with co-workers. pictures up on facebook lol. good times. i hope my weekend is as eventful as my work week.

“it’s just those rainy days, spend a lifetime trying to wash away. until the sun comes out and shines again.” - mary j. blige ft. ja rule: rainy dayz

i haven’t been myself this past week. with work really bothering me and getting into my head and mood, i’ve been pretty down and have kept to myself. the senior planner on my team kept asking me if i was okay, what was wrong. i’m not even sure why i was feeling that way. i know for sure i was annoyed with shit going on at work. i think i was PMS’ing too - fact; since i actually shed tears for him again for the first time in awhile. in the process i fell backwards from all the steps i had taken forward. it’s funny how sometimes one person can have such a presence over us - even when we don’t want them to.

i fckn hate that i let him get away with shit i would never let anyone else get away with. there’s a reason for that, one that i’m denying. i won’t speak of those 4 letters. i don’t know how to classify our relationship. we’re friends. he use to always be there for me when i needed him. a shoulder to lean on. he comforted me. he taught me things no one else did and he’s made me the stronger person i am today. he was the one i wanted to be with, but i could never see myself with him. maybe it’s his funny, joking personality. i joke around but i guess i’d categorize myself as more of a serious person than a joking person. i loved his immaturity at times, i think it was the balance i needed. but we were never in an official relationship although all the shit we went through might as well be classified as one. he had me on the only emotional roller coaster, but shit, it was one hell of a ride. it still is 4 years later. he has a girlfriend now but we still chill when he’s home. i still haven’t been able to move on with that aspect of my life. i’m no good with relationships. which is why i focus on my career. but i know in the end no matter how successful i am, or how much money i have i’ll still feel empty inside. my friend swears i’m carrie and he’s big. but big realized everything that carrie was. i guess in some ways i’m waiting for him to have his epiphany and let me know he still cares.

on a lighter note, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my twinnie ! ♥ and happy belated to this domain name .. it’s actually been a year and some days. now i don’t feel so bad about wanting a new one. ha.